I had a dream this morning. The dream itself is of very little significance, but it made me realize something very important.

I was standing in front of someone with whom I was having a conversation, when I said, "The world around you is empty." At that point everything around me transformed into nothing but a gray shadow. Everywhere around me was completely dark, with only small flecks and swirls of light every now and then. It felt like I was moving at a very high speed, and it sounded like wind was rushing past me. Everywhere I looked was just grayness with those flecks of light. You might compare it to when you rub your eyes for too long and see the swirls. Except I couldn't open my eyes. The darkness was all around me. I became scared that I was vulnerable so I spoke a short prayer "God protect me from evil." At that point I began to try to wake myself up, and I eventually succeeded.

In the brief moments after waking, I was still scared of what I might see in my bedroom. I think that is a common experience after dreaming. When you are not yet fully awake, and you feel like somehow what was in the dream could still come and get you. Minutes later as I was beginning to awaken more fully, the words kept playing through my head "The world around you is empty."

Remember that movie The Matrix (the first one)? Toward the end Neo is in the matrix and is able to look around him and he sees the computer code. He realizes that physical boundaries like the laws of gravity do not apply to him, because he is simply inside a computer program.

My dream has left me feeling like Neo. I look around me and I can still see the darkness and the emptiness of this world. I realized something that I so easily forget -- This world is not my home. This body is nothing but a sack of dirt and dust. This earth nothing but a big empty rock. Why do I look to a rock and dirt and dust to bring me joy and happiness?

I am then reminded of the vastness of God. The millions of light years that it takes to get across our universe cannot even contain him. I think that in a way, our spirits are similar. For some reason we think that our spirit resides in our body. I don't think that is true. I think our spirit cannot be contained by our bodies. Our physical body is merely a small and insignificant pawn, being controlled by our minds for a very short period of time. It is in and with our spirit where we truly reside -- our true self.

I pray that today you will realize the emptiness of this world and be comforted by it. Your true self cannot be contained by this world. Do not look to anything here or flesh and bone to satisfy you.

Lord, please help us to remember daily of your great glory and infinite power that is so vast and so unimaginable by us while we are still here. Help us to find peace in the fact that even as insignificant as this world is, you choose to live with us and inside of us through the power of your Holy Spirit, who is with us. Please help us to remember these things.

When my husband and I were first married, it was sort of an unspoken deal that he handled our finances. He has ever since. We discuss almost everything we buy before we buy it (I’m not kidding – even groceries!). Sometimes we have a discussion about our situation and he keeps me updated when we are spending too much, etc. Our first one of these discussions was a nightmare. I took it personally and felt that he was attacking me and how I spent our money. I became defensive and threw up the walls. It was hard for me to bring them down.

Only recently did we have a very productive discussion where he made it clear that his sole intention was to keep me informed and aware of our financial situation. I told him that I would definitely not like to be in the dark about all of it. However, it is still hard for me to discuss such things. The good thing is that God has gifted him with the ability to spend and save and maximize our finances. He has an amazing talent to spend as little as possible on necessary items. Some might call it being cheap or tight with money, but I wouldn’t dare call it that! He balances me out. When I want to run off and spend too much on something silly that would last for a second, he can reason with me and make me realize how that item is not worth its short-term effects. Sometimes though, I have to put my foot down and tell him when we need something. I have learned to let him come to terms with it in his own time, though. It’s our compromise.

Here’s a fun story about just that. I have been struggling with our home computer for about a year. The darn thing keeps locking up on me. We have reformatted it probably a hundred times. We upgraded our operating system. We bought additional memory. A new hard drive. It doesn’t matter. Whenever I am doing something important for school or work or whatever, it will freeze and I will get frustrated. I had a particularly hard time last week. I couldn’t stay on the computer for more than five minutes. I tried 3 times, and gave up. I walked in to where my husband was getting dressed and told him, “Okay, after you start your new job in two weeks, I am going online and ordering a new computer.” I recounted the event that just took place. He said “We’ll see.” I had been trying to convince him that we needed a new one for the past year. The time had come.

I had actually forgotten about that little situation until yesterday. He called me almost as soon as I walked in the door at work. He told me he had built a computer online and wanted me to take a look so we could discuss the different features that we wanted then we could buy it. We discussed, and then I pushed the button and bought it. Yay!! Turns out that he fought with our old one over the weekend. He was trying to do something on the computer on Saturday, and it kept locking up on him.

Our balance – he keeps me from spending too much on frivolous things and I keep him from being a total tight-wad and never getting something that might be necessary or make life a little easier. Isn’t it funny how God put these two people together? It is a perfect match!

I have an issue with money. I hate it. I think I always have. I want to preface this next story with the fact that I do not blame anyone for my dislike of money. It is simply my personality, which I will explain later.

As I grew up, my family didn’t have a lot of money. We had a house and we had food to eat. My parents both had respectable jobs, cars to drive, and even a small savings. However, I was reminded constantly that we didn’t have much. My parents fought over it. My mom has a very giving spirit and her way of giving is through small gifts and anything that you want or request, she will break her back (figuratively) to make sure that you get it. My father is very loving, but also very sensible. Money is not a way to express love. He would be very angry that my mom would spend so much for us kids or for anyone that she came across. As I got older, my dad began discussing their financial matters with me. I think it was to teach me and for a lesson for my life. Maybe it was because I was older and would listen. I don’t know. He would tell me about the bills they had to pay, and how strapped we were. I began to have anxiety over money and our family’s situation. I began to feel the financial burden. Even though I personally didn’t have any debt or obligations of my own, I carried them on my heart for my family.

My personality is very peaceful. I enjoy compromise. I become stressed by conflict. Money, to me, meant conflict and stress. I can see no compromise with money. You have to have it to eat and to live. I do not blame my family for putting this stress on me. My peaceful personality causes me to become stressed by that which causes conflict.

There are probably few that will agree with me but I also do not like the way we celebrate Christmas. What should be a time to rejoice that our Savior was born to this earth has become a self-loving time of “getting”. Some people will try to mask this by saying that it is also a time of “giving”, but this is just a way of saying, “I am giving to you so that I can feel better about getting”. If I had it my way, we would spend Christmas entirely reflecting on Christ Jesus, and there would never be a time for presents or gifts. We would celebrate Christ’s birth, we would sing, spend time with family, and share with each other our SPIRITUAL GIFTS that the Lord has blessed us with.

I believe in tithing. The Lord says in Malachi 3:8-12,
**Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty. 12 "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the LORD Almighty.

My husband and I have recently discussed this issue. I believe that God earnestly desires you to test Him. Give him your money, your full 10%, and see if he does not bless you so richly that you overflow! I recently got a small raise at work, and my husband got a new job making more than at his old job. So I revisited our tithe amount so that I could increase it to the new amount. We agreed that we should give the full 10%, without reduction, gross, the before-tax amount. Wow, this seems like a very large figure to be “giving away” to the church. Even now, I can think of many “necessary” uses for that money. But in my mind, none if it is even mine. It belongs to God anyway. All that I have is what he has chosen to bless me with. Who is to say that God could take it away, or even double it tomorrow? He can do anything!

I still struggle with the “wanting”. We all want the big house, the new car, the new electronic gadget that you have to have. But it is never enough, is it? There is always a newer car, a bigger house, a gadget upgrade. Please pray for us that we will continue to give faithfully to the Lord as He has requested.

Please study and pray over this issue with your family.

**1 Timothy 6:10 (New International Version) For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

I am so glad that busy season at work is over. It is so hard to be busy at work and "neglect" the rest of your family and friends for months. I don't know how doctors or lawyers or anyone else who works over 60 hours a week on average can sustain their life and their happiness.

For me, it begins with Denial. At first I try to carry on with my normal life as though I am not missing anything. I try to attend all the same events and social activities. I stay up late with my husband so we can talk and spend time together. This is when the stress begins. I begin to feel anxiety over how I am going to fit everything into my schedule. When I start to think that I may have to miss a social event or gathering, a voice from somewhere inside tells me that the event is a "can't miss" and I will be neglecting people that are expecting and wanting me there. Then we enter into the Sacrifice. I sacrifice "unimportant" things like sleeping and eating so that I can maintain my responsibilities at work and also my social status (yes, it is very sad, I know). Once that takes its toll physically and emotionally, I am exhausted, frustrated, confused, and anxious. The all-too-familiar knot in my stomach returns. Only then, unable to take it anymore, I give up my social engagements, I concentrate on work. I am then known as the Grumbler. I have nothing but complaints for anyone who dares to talk to me. I do not like this side of myself. My mom used to hate the Grumbler. "Have you smiled today?" She would ask me everday after school. I try to remind myself of that whenever the Grumbler takes over.

So this is why I am glad it is over. I can return to my normal self. I can attend my normal events. Hopefully, my husband and my family have not forgotten me and will welcome me back to the real world.

I look forward to seeing you all again real soon.

I am just so blessed to be in your grace and mercy today, Lord!! Thank you so much for giving me this joy that I feel in my heart today! Wonderful joy, unexplained joy. You have truly blessed me with patience for this long work-week, and now you are giving me this gift of joy. You fill me Lord when I should normally feel frustration, desperation, and hopelessness. May the world know of you and know how you can bless our human hearts when you desire to. I am your humble servant, Lord. Thank you, Lord.

**Psalm 28:7 "The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song."